I now pump gas

I called mom this morning to see how things were going. She didn't sound so happy this time.

The doctors in Ottawa recommended that he be brought to Toronto ER as soon as they arrived in Toronto. So the very fact that he's been on his own for a few days is a miracle. He even walked quite a distance the first day they arrived which must have felt great for my dad.

One of the prescriptions my dad is on (some intense laxative) helps keep my dad more regular than normal. With liver failure, there is an increased amount of toxins in your digestive system. If he doesn't stay very regular, there is a chance the toxins can build up and cause other problems. Its been a messy weekend for my mom.

I can tell my mom is feeling pretty discouraged. She tries not to bring attention to herself during a difficult situation, but I can read between the lines that she feels very alone - especially during Thanksgiving weekend.

~

Our emotions - you can't live with 'em and you can't live without 'em. The very same mechanism that causes us to feel joy and euphoria can also deliver such negative feelings that it pushes us out of reality. My mom's feeling like no one cares and my dad is feeling like he's not going to make it. Well, just because you feel it certainly doesn't make it so.

Reality check! My mom isn't alone at all. She has tons of family and friends who love and support them - some who are even on their way to visit in the next few days. Furthermore, they are closer then they've ever been before to actually having this transplant take place - which it most definitely will.

More over, if reality weren't enough to combat their emotional negativity, they should take comfort knowing that whatever happens, God is in control! And he only thinks of good and awesome things for us/them! That's all he does. So what is there to worry about?

I can't stand emotions. They cloud judgement - cloud reality - cloud faith. I'd even argue that your emotional state can have an affect on your physical health. My parents, my dad especially, need to keep their emotions in check or things could get much worse.

I know how difficult it must be - especially after being couped up in the hospital for weeks on end. But, its what life has dished out for you. I can say this because I've been through my fair share of shitaki mushrooms as well. Sure, I spent the first few days wondering, Why me? Why do I have to be the bigger man? Why do I have to go through this? But you can't ask those questions. You can't compare yourself to others.

I don't know why this is happening - and frankly - I've learned the answer to that question is irrelevant. Its the cards you've been dealt. Be excited about how this situation is going to bring Glory to God. Think about whose lives will change for the better because of how you handled it. Think about how your life will be changed because of how you handle it.

Time - time is something else us humans must deal with that can be so cruel to us. Sure it seems like this has been going on forever. But in reality, its only been 6 months that Dad has been really really sick. And this whole thing will be over and done with in another 8 months. Sure, it sounds like a long time. But, when my dad is 78, and he takes a moment while laying back in his beach chair in the shores of Fiji to reflect back on his life, I'm sure he'll say, 'Man, that 2008 was a tough one - but so worth it!'

Am I being to harsh? I don't know if any of what I just typed is even relevant... its just how I feel.

~

On the flip side, mom is a very difficult person to get out of her comfort zone. And there are a few huge accomplishments that have taken place for her. Like driving in a big city - she hates that! She's never really done it. And when she finally did do it (yesterday trying to find the ER just so she knows the way), she did mess up a few times. But she got there eventually and she feels great!

When describing some of the great things that were going on, she exclaimed, "Josh - I now pump gas! I never did that before! And I'm getting so good at it!"

Good for you mom! You pump that gas!