Monday, January 26, 2009

Last injection

So - not only did the doctor say that I'm 100% back to my normal self (last Thursday), I took my last injection today.

You'd think I'd be happy about this... and 95% of me is. But theres a small part that's sad that its all over. The injection was a daily reminder of what I did for dad... and I don't ever want to forget. Ever.

So, now I'm really back to life as it was before the transplant. I'm even walking straight again, sleeping any which way I like, and eating whatever. Just like that.

I still can't believe I did it.

I didn't think I was going to do it. I honestly thought, "Well, the right thing to do is to tell my dad that I'll donate my liver... because I'm his son... but I know God will protect me! ...by somehow making sure I actually don't have to do it because he knows how scared I'd be to actually do it."

Seriously... as each day passed and I began to realize, "Wait a tick... this operation looks like its going to be a go!". I (and I'm sure Chel) still had hope that my dad would somehow receive a deceased liver or that some medical complication on my end would prevent me from being a candidate. In fact, when Chel and I found out about my heart murmur, we didn't admit it to each other but I know we were both hoping it would make me ineligible for the operation. We were both so scared.

But this whole story has turned out to be a testament of God's amazing grace and goodness.

Let me ask you something... how can you be a true believer in God if you've never tested your faith in his existence? I mean - you can't believe in someone you don't actually think exists, right?

And for those of you who think you believe in God... how can you know his love and promises are true until you've believed them to the core of your being... enough so to test them in your every day life?

I put my faith to the test.

Christ! I know your with me! You've always been with me. But now, I need you more than ever. I'm so scared. Please Lord - be with me... protect me...

I prayed that prayer as soon as they rolled me into the operating room.

Never did I feel any pain. Never did I feel scared. In fact, during my time in the recovery room, I asked Chelsea, "Who is that black woman in the room?" But Chel didn't see anyone. This is going to sound super retarded to a few of you but I don't care... I felt an overwhelming sense of love and peace from that person. Judge for yourself who/what it may have been.

It doesn't take a liver transplant to have faith. Maybe just an overdue bill... a broken family relationship... a stressful job.

Anyway - that was a rando tangent. Point is... I'm so glad I overcame my fear. And those morning injections were a reminder of how this whole thing has impacted my love for God and my love for you all. And I don't ever want to lose what I gained.

Weird to say that I gained something when I physically lost something pretty major.

Love is the way of the future. True love at any cost. Love and transparency. Transparency - that's a topic for another time.

I'll post more down the road about the impact this has had on my life. I also never posted the details of my time in the hospital from my point of view. I'll get around to that as well.

1 comment:

Adam said...

Glad your back to normal man!

Frig.. I want a black angel! Or a purple angel.. reference.. angel..