Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Taking Its Toll

Dad's doing ok. He has the catheter in his back draining fluid from his chest again. 1 litre a day. I was unaware that yesterday, the situation was looking really bad. Dad thought he was going to die - so did mom.

He's at the Civic, 5th floor - can't remember which room. Use the elevators furthest from ER (near Second Cup) and go to the 5th floor. Ask the nurses station for Brian Bloomfield.

I haven't been in contact with my transplant team yet - but there is some speculation amongst our family and the Ottawa doctors that the transplant date may need to be bumped up next week (currently tentatively booked for January 7th).

Mom's staying strong - but this situation has certainly dragged on for a long time and is taking its toll on everyone. We're excited for Dad to get better. I'm so excited to get my dad back!

He's been sick for so long that I've forgotten how he used to laugh and how his laugh used to make the rest of our family laugh even harder. I've forgotten how loving he is - how caring he is - he incredible he is. This illness has robbed my dad of his life for long enough. Can't wait to put this behind us.

God, thank you so much for taking care of dad! Please continue to watch over him in the hospital. And continue to give Chelsea and I peace about this decision. Thank you so much that everything is going to be ok! And thank you that your watching over Dad and I no matter what happens!

4 comments:

Paul G. said...

I just went to see Brian. He's only five floors above me. His spirit is sooo strong but his body is weak. We are praying this can all get bumped up quickly for both of you. He also would love to see the Singing Christmas Tree. I pray he'll be strong enough. God's hand is on this situation...we can only trust.

Anonymous said...

I pray it will happen soon...he needn't suffer any more.

Becky said...

Joshy, It’s your lil sis Becks! Well… it is finally Dec. 15th, 2008, and it is approximately 7:30am and you have just left the waiting room cause they called your name!!! THEY CALLED YOUR NAME! Ah. I can’t believe this is all actually and finally happening. I am so proud of you, seeing that green ribbon on your jacket (representing that you’re officially a living donor) makes me so grateful I have such an amazing brother like you! Such an amazing person.. I can’t express that enough! Right now Mom, Gail, Aunt Patty, James, Brad and Rikki and I… we are all here chillin’ in the waiting room… pondering what is going on. I didn’t sleep a wink last night, I think I was the only one who didn‘t sleep. I was just so anxious, wanting today to happen but at the same time so frightened as to what today has for us. I decided to bring the laptop so I can write during the operation, considering you and dad will be done by 8pm. It is going to be a long day!
It has been a long time coming, 8 freakin’ months. I remember the day this all started, when I over heard dad saying foolish things to mom in the kitchen. I over heard him saying things like he felt like he wasn’t going to wake up one morning…blah blah blah. I instantly went into the kitchen and asked why he was talking such nonsense and he showed me his swollen feet and swollen legs, I had never seen anything like it. I insisted to take him to ER, so on we went. I remember dropping him off, he didn’t want me to wait with him, but all I wanted to do was be by his side.
Mom and dad were sure it was kidney failure, in denial dads liver was actually failing. Finding out he only had about two months to live broke my heart, but its lasted another 6 full months! It has been such a slow additional 6 months, in and out of work… Holding dad’s hand, feeding him, taking him on walks, encouraging him, being by his side every night thinking its going to be the last night we might spend with him.
It is funny how life has so many obstacles and so many events we don’t expect. I never imagined being in this situation. From big healthy Bri to a little hurting helpless boy. Its so difficult to see your parent hurt. Someone you’ve never seen cry, or be in so much pain. All you can do is hold their hand while they say they just want to give up and that they just don’t want to suffer anymore… and all I can say we’re going to get through this… when really I might lose him that moment. Hardest thing I have ever been through. It makes me wonder, there must be some sort of hell on Earth? I know it sounds silly but from what my dad’s gone through…liver failure? I mean, having half a liver that Josh is going to experience soon, one of the side effects are severe depression. I can’t even imagine how low my dad must feel mentally having absolutely no liver!!! Watching his illness physically attack him in such unimaginable ways for such a long time…I can’t handle it most of the time. No one deserves to live through something like this.
I love you Dad!
SO ..Chel just entered the waiting room! She left with Josh when his name got called. Chel just asked everyone to “come”, so all of us (including Allison who just showed up who is Chel‘s best friend) entered some doors and there is Josh!!! Lying on a hospital bed in a hospital gown saying his goodbyes to everyone…he looks so fearful, tears in his eyes.. I tried to hold the tears as usual but no wayyy… it wasn’t possible. So many emotions going through my head, I just ran up and gave him a hug, I didn‘t want to let go! Everyone said their goodbyes! My mom was upset she didn’t get one on one time with him before the surgery cause everything just happened so quick. My mom wanted to pray with him. My Aunt Patty made sure she prayed with him before he went in for the surgery. My Aunt Patty is a bold independent women, she made sure the prayer was said. My mom appreciated it so much, thanks Aunt Patty!
Also, seeing Chel beside my brother through this whole thing, such a great wife… it made me cry even more. I hope I have what you guys have one day! Random thought, I remember vaguely when I was little and I was attending youth group like way back in the day… I never knew who Chelsea was but I could never get my eyes off her cause she was SO freakin’ beautiful!!! AND Chel, I’m pretty sure you had brown hair back then and you looked just as beautiful as you do blonde!! ANYWAYS main point, I’m so happy you two are together, I love you guys so much! Josh, you have a gorgeous, caring wife and Chel you have a perfect husband. You may not think so but JOSH, why are you so perfect?
It is now time to go spend time with my dad before he goes into surgery. It may be the last couple hours I ever spend with him. So my mom, my brother James and I head up to see my dad. All he wants to do is brush his teeth when we enter the room. It seems as if his mouth is almost rotting and all he wants is his sencedine cause his mouth is in so much pain. Maybe the sencedine will give him little relief of the pain he‘s feeling. As my mom helps him brush his teeth my brother James steps out for a moment for a cigarette.
As I watch my mom, its so hard for me to understand, there is so much divorce in society these days, so many marriages broken….but for my mom, she may not have a choice but to lose my dad. Its not that they want it to end but it might have too. That’s one things that kills me the most.
My dad keeps asking my mom and I to just pray so my mom prayed and we all hold his hand. As we all cry in fear of the unknown, Chel enters the room with an ipod followed by Rikki and Allison. My brother Josh wrote dad a song for him to listen to before he goes into surgery. Chel puts the head phones on my dad… as my dad listens, he lies there for a moment and just began to wheep. Listening to Josh’s beautiful voice, just singing for him while Josh is already in surgery… This is one of the most beautiful most emotional moments I have ever experienced. As I hold dad’s hand, we cry together.
Now we are waiting in the ‘pre operative care unit’… my dad is going in for surgery in about an hour. He is trying to nap so he doesn’t have to think too much.
They are now both in surgery. It is 11am and I’m on my way back to the hotel to sleep a bit, I’m going to go crazy if I don’t get some sleep. So much on my mind…am I going to talk to my dad again? Am I going to have you back, Josh? What is going to happen? I need to sleep. I just don’t even want to think. I just want my dad and brother around and well for Christmas and for everything to just be OK!
I love you Dad! I love you Josh! God, be with them.

John and Susan McLean said...

Our prayers are with you during this very difficult time. John and I are good friends of Paul and Sue and were good friends with Breen in high school. John was Paul's best man at his wedding. You might know our son Kyle McLean. Josh, you are an amazing young man. God bless you. We have lit a candle for you and your Dad and your whole family. Lots of Love. God is with you all. John and Susan McLean